New Moms Aren't Meant to Do Everything Alone
The image of a modern mother, often assisted by online influencers, can be a difficult one to live up to. She’s caring for a newborn! She’s running a household! She’s having coffee with friends! And somehow she has time to maintain a self-care routine that must involve time travel somehow. It’s an impressive picture, and for most new moms? It’s completely unrealistic.
The weeks and months following childbirth are a period of enormous adjustment. Your body is recovering, your sleep schedule has gone out of the window, and you’re learning the needs and rhythms of a whole new person. Even under the most forgiving circumstances, that’s a lot to handle.
This is why one of the most important lessons for any new mother is to understand that accepting help is not a sign of weakness. In many cases, it’s what allows a family to thrive going forward.
Recovery deserves priority
One of the biggest mistakes many parents make is assuming they should quickly return to “normal”. Normal responsibilities, normal rhythms, normal life.
In reality, that previous “normal” is gone, probably forever, and a new one is taking its place. Initially, physical healing, emotional adjustment, and sleep deprivation will affect energy levels and wellbeing. During this period, tasks that once felt routine may suddenly be overwhelming. Rather than pushing through it all, it is worth asking a different question: Which responsibilities really need your attention right now?
There is a right answer here: it’s caring for yourself and your new baby.
Not every task has to be yours
Many household responsibilities can be shared, delegated, or temporarily outsourced. Cleaning, laundry, meal prep, errands, transportation and admin all take time and energy - two things you have less of than ever.
That doesn’t mean a home needs to operate perfectly. It simply means realizing that trying to do it all yourself can create unnecessary stress during a season of life that is already demanding. And you deserve to have fewer things cluttering up your mind and diary at this of all times.
Building a support system
It used to be said that “it takes a village to raise a child”; the meaning of this being that friends and family would chip in with the skills and knowledge they had. These days, the system is expected to be a little leaner. And while friends and family will do what they can, it’s not a failing to outsource things a little more. More and more families are exploring household staffing solutions. Whether that be in the space of helping with childcare, household management, or other specialized services, it’s OK to seek professional help to reduce the pressure on you.
One thing to keep in mind in this regard is that even if you have accepted help, there’s no set correct way of using it; think of what you need and your circumstances, and design the assistance you need.
We are often made to feel guilty for wanting or needing help. That’s even more likely the case when our hormone levels are in open chaos, but imagine for a moment someone dear to you asked you to help them. Would you judge them? Of course not - and we’re all human, so be kind to yourself and be ready to accept hands that are reached out to help you.