Kids' Behavior: Do Your Children Need More Discipline?
Many times, we feel that children want to manipulate us with certain behaviors. We tell you how to realize on time and correct this type of behavior for their own good.
Certainly, we do not hear that parents want to raise undisciplined children, or at least it is not the idea, since many times, it impairs the process of parenting and learning of our children. However, sometimes we are forced to make certain deals to make things easier.
An example of this may be "I'll give you a bar of chocolate if you finish your soup" or "You'll go out to play if you eat all your vegetables." These types of actions can have a double edge since, in addition to a child; a set of demands is generated. At this point, in general, anger or frustrations arise.
It is normal that we want to promote the self-esteem and well-being of our children, but when they challenge us, ignore or confuse us, things change and can hinder parenting.
According to Nancy Samalin, author of Loving without Spoiling and 100 Other Timeless Tips for Raising Terrific Kids, many times, unintentionally, we fall into the trap of spoiling too much and not setting limits.
From this, Samalin (also parent educator) describes a series of effective and concrete steps, alternative to some behaviors (orders, supplications, threats, shouts, bribes, punishments) in which all the two parties are happy.
The child doesn't really care how you feel
What to do?
The child has to understand that it is not just about them.
Use the word ‘I’, ‘you’, when you are furious with the child. In healthier say "I'm upset" instead of "You were wrong."
Example: "It bothers me when I talk to you and you don't look at me", "I'm angry to
see your messy room".
The child has a sense of law
What to do?
Again, verbally communicate to the child that it is not about you, him/her or anyone else.
Using impersonal explanations, discipline becomes as practical as your rational parenting demands.
Example: "Shoes should be stored in that box, not outside", "Rates go in that cabinet"; and, "it's bedtime now."
The child blames others for their wrongdoing
What to do?
Teach the child to take responsibility for their actions (good and bad).
If you are familiar with "it was not my fault", do the charge of tangible conscience.
Example: Samalin recommends, "Make signs or write notes for the child." It could be something like “Dear Ana. Before playing, please do not forget to keep your clothes clean in the closet. Feed the dog. Sort the thrown toys. Thank you. Love, Mom. "
The child lacks compassion, kindness or empathy
What to do?
If the child is cooperative, affectionate, or feels that it was useful in something, it is something very good and important. Give words of thanks to let them know that you have noticed.
A subtle recognition can be useful.
Example: "You are a good person for helping your sister," "I was impressed by the time you finished your homework."
The child suffers an advanced picture of "give me"
What to do?
In the case where children struggle to have control, giving them the opportunity to decide helps them feel that control, but it must be prudent.
Ask them subtly if they prefer one or another thing. In this way, parents still have control over what has to be done.
Example: Allow them to choose between playing a game or reading in their spare time. Bath time is always difficult, so give them a choice between the bathtub or the shower.
Your child does not accept the word "no" as an answer
What to do?
Avoid the corrosiveness of this word using other responses of a word.
Instead of saying, what you don't want in one word, transmit what you want with another single word. This will work better than “why don't you listen to me? O, “How many times do I have to say it?”
Example: "Dennis, Hat", "Mike, Jacket!", Or "Rob, homework!”
Summing up
If you learn to use these discipline techniques, you will also teach your children to listen and collaborate. While rewards should not be custom since they encourage the child to do things to receive others, and clearly, it is not the idea. It has to be a natural attitude or response.
On the other hand, it is not bad that you take your children to watch a movie or take them to the stadium to watch a football game, or even the SuperBowl. Learning to enjoy as a family is the basis of the relationships that will form your child and later will serve for a more humble and supportive social life. Do any of your children behave this way?