Saving Your Love: What Can You Do If Your Marriage Is Falling Apart?
When it comes to marriage issues, experts recommend facing them head-on as the best way to conquer and overcome what is dividing you instead of uniting you. Avoiding problems within a marriage will only create an atmosphere of resentment and hostility and leads to the dissolving of the relationship.
There are a number of warning signs that signal you and your spouse should seek professional counseling. According to New York based Marriage and Family Therapist Linda Charnes, LMFT, the following are just a few of the issues that bring couples in to seek her help.
● A Crisis of
- either confirmed or suspected on either partner's side. Contemplation of having an affair is also included in this category;
● Communication Problems - the silent treatment is often the result of a misunderstanding in communication;
● Complaints and Fights - feeling unsupported, unappreciated, and taken for granted can produce a stressful atmosphere in your home which leads to major tension within the relationship;
● Emotional, Intimacy and Sexual Dysfunctions - once these issues are set, it can be hard to share yourself with your partner in an open and loving way.
Scholars at the University of Michigan and the University of Nevada, whose research is published in the International Association for Relationship Research (IARR), found that unresolved and prolonged conflicts take a heavy toll on health, especially for men. Their research showed that holding on to anger and resentment actually gave the participants physical ailments in addition to depression and anxiety.
The following activities can be integrated into your relationship to help protect and preserve your love for each other for years to come.
Ask Yourself Why
Why do you want this relationship to work? Why do you want to stay with this person? The answers need to be examined and discussed with one another in order to determine what you are fighting for and why your relationship is worth the work. Some of the answers may be simple, others complicated, but questions of "why?" should never be forgotten. Ask “why?” often.
Place Blame Where It Belongs
Blaming each other is not helping and certainly won't solve the issues you are going through. Blame the situation, not your partner or any flaw in each other. This is one of the major differences between happy and unhappy couples. They know and understand that situations are temporary and the cause of most marital friction.
Show More Affection
There will be times you may not want a kiss and a hug from your spouse, but that is precisely when you should accept it. Showing more affection allows you to each feel and know you are loved by the other person. It is also harder to stay angry when someone is securely holding you close.
Spend More Time on Quality, Not Quantity
Quantity is the amount of time you spend with your spouse. This could be a little or a lot. You may even work near your significant other; however, if you only talk shop, or children, or household matters, you are not spending quality time together.
You each came into the relationships with dreams and ideas. These may have changed slightly, but they are still there and need to be discussed and honored. Not only will this help your marriage, it will help you grow as an individual.
Remember to respect and trust each other; the foundation of all great relationships.