Mending A Broken Marriage

When you get married, you don't envisage breaking up. Committing to the most important person in your life is not a decision that people generally take lightly, and nobody likes to think about things going wrong. But you cannot plan what life will throw at you. There can be many reasons that a marriage can break down. It could be through infidelity, although often reasons can be more complex and less apparent. 

When cracks appear in a relationship, it can seem like the end. Regular arguments and a lack of romantic connection with a spouse can often spell the road to divorce for many. However, this need not be the only option. Your relationship may seem unsavable, but with the right help and advice, you might find working through your problems will strengthen your relationship.

Obviously, the last resort would be to visit a lawyer. But at the point where you accept that what you had is unretrievable, you will want a professional and discreet legal counsel such as bikellaw.com who can assist you in a manner that does not cause unnecessary additional tension.

Disconnection 

Life throws us all curveballs from time-to-time. These might come in the form of financial difficulties, unemployment, sickness or the loss of a loved one. Very often, we don't deal with these problems well and, instead of turning to our partners, we turn away from them. Isolating yourself when dealing with severe life problems can cause a great deal of tension in any relationship. You may have had a strong relationship in the past, but there the when other issues are allowed to come between you, the disconnect between you both can seem massive. 

Often, this kind of drifting apart happens without either of you realizing And it isn't until it feels like it's too late that you wake up to the fact that it has happened. By this point, you may not even understand the root cause of your relationship breakdown. 

Sitting down and calmly talking and listening to each other can be extremely difficult. But until you can listen, you will not be able to unpick your problems and understand what has caused the tension between you both. 

Seeing Both Sides

Empathy can be difficult to achieve, especially when we are angry at each other. But if we are not truly listening to each other, then when we argue we are just expelling air and aggression needlessly. It can never achieve anything. 

When an argument forms, try to take a step back. If you can remove yourself from the situation and go and think about it for a few minutes, not only are you likely to calm down, but you may also see your partners point of view easier. 

Without stating your case, listen to what your partner has to say. Repeat back to them what you hear, focusing on how they feel. Try not to get defensive about why something has happened. This is not about justifying a situation. It's about acknowledging something and then look for a way forward.

You might not be able to undo the past, but you can come to understandings that will improve your future together. Learn from each and how you both feel, and apologize for your part in any upset that you have caused. 

Reminding Each Other

Together, think back to when you first met. Tell each other what life was like before your relationship started, and how it changed when you first got together. Remember how the other made you feel, and think back to what it was that you fell in love with. 

When we are continually embroiled in a state of arguments and uncertainty with a partner, it can be hard to imagine happier times. Reminding yourselves of how you felt can see the seeds of rekindling those feelings. Hearing your partner talk about the qualities they fell in love with about you might also be reassuring and warming. Though if you're not demonstrating those traits now, then it might be the prompt you need to work on aspects of your own happiness. 

Getting Help 

Seeking a marriage counsellor before actually separating is advised. Often couples that work through their problems together, and get the help that they need, come through it and find a new lease of life within their relationship. 

Look for recommendations when it comes to choosing a counsellor, and pick someone that you are both comfortable with. You will need to discuss a lot of personal things with this person present, so you both need to have great trust in them.