In Praise Of Older Dads - My 6 Best Tips To Getting It Right!
Tip.1. Look After Your Body and Your Mind!
Well, I’ve always said that fitness is the most essential part of being a good parent. I’ve spent years being a fitness fanatic, so any lack of energy is all in the mind, and keeping my energy levels up beyond what I thought that I could do is paramount. I’m always alarmed to see young dads in their '20s moaning and complaining and flaking out through fatigue. Much of the fatigue comes from mental stress of sleep deprivation, crying, and the fact that your time is no longer your own - once you accept the change it becomes your reality and easier to cope with.
If you haven't kept in shape in the past, then now is a great time to start - no excuses!
Learn how to do new activities with your kids - it's a great way to cahallenge and exercise your mind - I can recommend learning HTML and trying to keep pace with a teen...!
Older dads are less likely to want to hang out with the guys, and have alcoholic rampages (...been there and done it) , and more likely to appreciate the amazing experience of being a dad yet again, and the magic that their wife or partner has worked in giving birth. As for sleep deprivation; have you seen how much sleep an average 20 something male needs, especially after a night on the town? See this, as opposed to a 50 something dad who has a gentle night in with his wife and children, who might be disturbed now and then by a small child, and then waking up with a family he adores? Love gives you all the energy you need!
Tip. No. 2 Use your experience to achieve balance between career and parenthood
Set smaller goals for work tasks, they are easier to achieve and give you a boost, because each time that you hit the smaller goals you’ll feel like that you’ve achieved something in your day and move onto the next one for more easily.
True, my business career is demanding, and on occasion I look back to my 20s and think, “if I didn’t have enough time then, how the heck do I arrange it now, with a squadron of 7 kids to look after morning to night?” Well, age has taught me how to work smarter, and to focus on work in short bursts in between the interruptions from my 3 year old who just fell over and my 5 year old who just dropped a toy car on her toe...and of course there’s the diaper duty, and the demands from my older children for me to make homemade pizza which only takes 2 hours to make from scratch...
I call this my “city pigeon trying to walk on a concrete pavement” ! The pigeon knows it's going to slide around, so use this technique...every small step is a small victory for your progress...so take them one at a time!
Tip No.3. Don't be scared by the science!
What about the theory that your DNA deteriorates with age?
I think that much depends upon your starting point, and where you’ve looked after your mind and your body – have you seen Dr. Huizenga on “The Biggest Loser” and his examination of each contestant’s “real age” – some of the 20 somethings had the biological ages of 60 year olds...scary stuff! I’ve read numerous studies linking older fatherhood to risks to the child of poor neurocognitive skills, delayed development and litany of other horror stories
So, it's good to hear that on top of the more regularly cited wonders of an older male – that he will often have more time for the children, more patience, and possibly, less tendency to go on an all-night alcoholic bender – there is, it seems, some scientifically-proven health advantage. Researchers have shown that children with older fathers and grandfathers live longer.
It turns out that, as a man ages, the genetic make-up of the sperm changes and develops a kind of vintage, matured DNA code that favors a longer life. This all takes place within what are known as the telomeres, lengths of DNA that sit at the end of our chromosomes. The longer telomeres are, the older you are likely to live, and in sperm, these lengthen as a man ages.
Obviously I prefer the latter studies...of course I would...which proves my point! These studies do nothing to damage my sense of self or other men my age or older. What these findings do remind me of is the story of the drunk looking for his keys under the lamp post, not because he dropped his keys there, but because that's where there was some light! The studies are usually based on samples of a few thousand; they completely ignore violence, sexual abuse, neglect, dysfunctional families, substandard educational institutions, bullying, mindless media, family obesity, poor parenting education and health, and countless ways for children to lose their way!
Tip 4. Follow your true Dadhood calling; go for it! Look for inspiration in places that the experts fear to tread!
What about the fear of having a 65 year old body, just when your baby is 12 and wants to go and hit tennis balls at you?
If this is one of the main fears you have, then you haven’t got much to fear - in my case, my son will have seen me grow into later age as he grows up, so what would be abnormal to him about this scenario? In my case he will have seen me works my ass off doing high-intensity exercises daily so I can keep up with him! My baby son laughs when he sees me huffing and puffing through my exercise, I expect my baby son to become bigger and stronger than I ever was, and to wipe the floor with me, or at least try!
Tip 5. Always Have a Plan B...
What about being an old father of a newborn - aren't you worried about being a really ancient grandfather?
Oh Really? Someone actually said this to me...really? “Excuse Me”, I said, “but don’t grandchildren expect their grandparents to be old, if not old and grey, just like in the movies. Wouldn't you like you grandma to be just like Betty White or Mel Brooks?” Yup, being older means that you can get away with speaking your mind, and they’ll love you for it!
Anyway, I have already executed plan B – having lots of older children who will be able to take up the slack if I falter(...what the heck is wrong with having a plan B?) As Richard Pryor said “people may call you an old fool...but you don’t get to be old being no fool...”
Tip 6. If you didn't say what you felt in the past, look forward to doing so in the future...after all there is nothing more sought after than an opinionated grandparent! Enjoy!
What if you think that you've seen it all, and then life throws something new and you realize that you've got to change your parenting style? Can an old dog learn new tricks?
One thing middle age parenthood teaches you, if you listen to it, is that mistakes are usually far more easily rectified than when you were young,. Older parents are far more patient than young ones for sure. Even with all my vast experience of fatherhood, there are many things that my younger children do now which in the past would have made me so angry, that I now take in my in my stride – because I have become an even more patient father, and better listener.
They are just learning to communicate with a limited vocabulary and they do care what you think if you are prepared to listen (unlike Congress which is not only very naughty but refuses to communicate because it doesn't care what you think or whether you listen or care)
Conclusion
Quite simply put, there are no conclusions in parenting; if anything in life is dynamic and constantly changing, it’s your relationship with your child! Society will make judgments, science will have t’s theories – either way, life goes on, so follow your heart! Aim to get it right more than you get it wrong, and not to take the wrong steps again. Just remember to look after your health, so that you can really enjoy an opportunity to be a dad at an age when you should be enjoying an appreciating life more than ever – youth is wasted on the young.
“Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive” Mel Brooks