Comparison Is The Thief Of Joy
Picture the scene: you see a mom and a dad walking through a park. They have a brand new pram, with a brand new baby wrapped carefully within it. She looks radiant; back in her jeans and smiling as she takes her new baby into the world. He’s full of pride; smiling, with one hand on her back. They’re the picture of new-baby joy. You’re watching them and feel envious: how do they look so put together? Why doesn't your family look like that?
Comparison? It’s the thief of joy. Envy? It’s a green-eyed monster and called such for a reason. That beautifully put together mother may not have slept for three days. Her nipples may be hanging off because her milk has come in and she’s new to breastfeeding. He is terrified of how to support her and his new little prodigy that the best he can do right now is to smile and keep strong, supporting her with that one hand.
No one knows what goes on behind closed doors, no one knows that a baby is a hand grenade - until they have one. Many people go through their pregnancies and baby planning stages thinking about the baby. It’s rare that they picture themselves WITH the baby, and that’s where people start to compare.
Why is that mother so slim already?
Why is their baby asleep - mine never does?
He looks so supportive compared to my partner..
Why can’t I have a child?
And on and on it goes. Babies are a difficult business, and it doesn't matter how well they may sleep, the first year of parenting is filled with hurdles. Comparing your experience to that of others? Not a good idea, even if you can’t have a child via the conventional methods.
Fertility is as delicate as the first daffodil of the Spring; it isn’t linear and what happens for one family will not be the story of another. Some parents have to go through other channels to have a child, from adoption to methods that you can read about here. While it is not an easy journey, it’s worth it for the end result of having the family that you long for. The issues creep in when you begin to wonder “why me?” when things aren't going the way that you imagined. The real question to ask yourself is “how do I resolve this?”
So, you’re not in your jeans after your baby - yet. Give it time. Your partner isn’t supporting you as much as you hoped for? Discuss it. Communicate. Babies are not supposed to sleep; they’ve spent nine months inside you and need you - go with it. You CAN have a child, with time, effort, money and the beauty of science. Whether your journey includes a honeymoon conception, a drawn-out adoption process, or the help of surrogacy as you’re two men longing to be dads, you CAN have a baby.
Enjoy - no, embrace - the road you’ll travel. No family is anything like yours.