10 Things Never To Say To A Mom


1. "You look tired!"

This just might be the worst phrase ever. No good can come of saying it. Feeling like crap is bad; getting confirmation of it, worse. Let’s all permanently delete the words from our mental hard drives. (Unless you'd like to use it on your evil boss.)

2. "Do you work?"

Whether or not a mom has a job with a paycheck is beside the point. Everymom works — the morning shift, the afternoon shift, the night shift, the wee-hours shift. We are cooks, housecleaners, chauffeurs, stylists, toy fixers, and butt-wipers. We don’t even get insurance or Summer Fridays, although there are some job perks like kisses and hugs. But please, don't ask if we work. We do: All. The. Damn. Time

3. “You look like such a mom!”

Especially intolerable when stated by a woman who is a) younger than you and b) has smaller hips than you do.

4. “Oh, my, you have your hands full.”

Are you saying I have too many kids? Or that I look like I can’t handle it? Or that my kids are being bratty? There’s nothing helpful in that statement whatsoever.

5. “That top/dress is so flattering on you.”

“Flattering” somehow always seems to be code for, “It disguises your bison-like shape.” Just say the top, dress or pants look good.


6. “If that were my child, I’d [fill in the blank]!”

Yes, my child may be lying in the middle of Aisle 9, having a tantrum, and attracting unsolicited comments, but getting that comment from a passerby is enough to make me want to fling myself down and scream. Back away, discipline nosybody, and nobody gets hurt.

7. “My kid also went through a nose-picking phase!”

It’s mortifying enough to have a child with a finger permanently up his nose. Could you maybe just pretend not to notice?

8. “When’s the baby due?”

Actually, there is no baby in there — just baby fat, left over from the last kid. And if you stammer “Oh, yeah, people always ask if I am pregnant too!” it won’t make things any better.

9. “I wouldn’t let my child eat that.”

Yes, I am aware that I am letting my child eat a non-organic hot dog and/or a Twinkie. It is not an offense punishable by law. Please keep your food cop tendencies to yourself.

‘Nuf said.