Here Are 3 Key Ways To Improve Communication In Your Marriage
Lack of communication is one of the biggest causes of marital difficulties, and many spouses have a habit of talking at their significant other rather than communication with them. Furthermore, it is often the case that spouses do not take a moment to think about how they must sound when they think are communicating, and fail to listen before they leap into discussion – a recipe for frustration and failure.
If you think about it, we are taught communication by our parents as children. So if our parents failed to teach clear communication skills, they can instill bad habits that we carry into adulthood and parenthood, replicating the cycle. The good news is that communication skills can be improved and incorporated into some simple everyday routines that will improve your relationships.
So in this article you will find ways to learn how to turn negative behaviors in your marriage into positives and tips how to improve the quality of the communication in your relationship.
Should You Try Couples Therapy?
Before you consider whether you and your spouse should seek out professional couples’ counselling and therapy , try the following ways to improve your communication at home that will benefit you both, at best might even obviate the need to seek professional help. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by trying. Here are three methods we suggest are worth incorporating in your everyday life and routine.
1. Be a good listener
Think carefully about this aspect of your communication. Do you feel frustrated when you feel that someone is not listening to you, especially in a heated discussion about how you are feeling? It is time to place that shoe carefully on the other foot – if you are giving out a vibe that you are not listening to what someone is saying to you, then why do you feel that you have the right to feel upset when you get that back?
An great technique to use to diffuse the situation and to advance discussion skills is called “active listening”, whereby the listener makes a conscious effort to concentrates, understands, and only respond when the speaker has finished talking or by asking for permission to interrupt by saying” Sorry, can I ask you a question?”.
You can do this simply by nodding, or saying “I understand” and remembering what is being said so that you can respond more rationally and relevance. This can take practice to do, especially when you are feeling under attack or emotional, but it is very rewarding and will often diffuse a difficult discussion.
2. Don’t sweat the small stuff
Life is composed of many small and seemingly insignificant events . However, one man’s ceiling is another man’s floor, and what might seem dull and boring to one partner can be surprisingly important to the other.
That lengthy aaccount of their difficulty with the laundry, their venting about the longer journey home caused by a traffic light failure, or their obsessive detail about last night’s Greys Anatomy TV show that your partner goes on and on about might bore you - but know that if you take the time to talk about these little things, you are more likely to improve your close emotional bond with your partner than in a fully-fledged in depth “discuss-the-issues” conversation!
So take time to show interest in those little mundane things – by doing so you’ll be letting them know that you care about things that are important to them, it will bring you closer together, and it will not go unnoticed.
3. Do share the small stuff
A 2014 study in Psychological Science found that we feel closer to others when we can talk about experiences we have in common. We all say the wrong things from time to time, but in times of difficulty, take a moment to share a small pleasant memory that you have both shared. For example, if you disagree over the time the kids should go to bed, mention a cute story about your child that ill make you both feel happy.
Further research has shown that just by doing a simple everyday activity together such as gardening or watching a movie, becomes a shared moment that can both cherish, and a quick hand-hold, stroking hair or other non-verbal physical contact also intensifies the bonding experience.
So before you consider taking the big step of seeking therapy, explore the mundane side of everyday relationships. Try some the techniques described here on a regular basis, and in no time you’ll learn not only to communicate better, but also to appreciate the rewards that will bring you and your partner.